


I'm Just Curious

by villainousunsub



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 17:28:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14774018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/villainousunsub/pseuds/villainousunsub
Summary: Emily can't take seeing it anymore, so she closes in on herself and after a few rounds of the cheapest/strongest alcohol everything comes out.





	I'm Just Curious

**Author's Note:**

> I AM BACK KIDDOS

When JJ first started bringing Will around, Emily was more than confused at his presence and how he seemed to try to put himself between the blonde and herself. Sure she used to joke that he was good looking, or how he had the sweetest accent, but she didn’t actually think that JJ would fall for him. After everything they had been through, Emily though for sure that JJ had liked her back. Turned out, Emily wasn’t her type. 

 

Soon after, JJ was canceling movie dates and girls’ nights in order to spend time with Will (but Emily suspected it was because he just didn’t want JJ to be around her). Emily tried to play it cool, but everyone around them saw the difference in her mood. She no longer engaged in jokes with Morgan, was the last to the table, turned down going out after a hard case, and she no longer was excited at the vibration of her phone. She was an emotionless robot who was going through a daily routine of dead bodies and paperwork. 

 

“Hey Princess, you wanna go grab a drink or maybe ten? Looks like you could use it, I’ll even buy.” Morgan perched himself on the edge of Emily’s desk. 

 

“Okay…but only if you buy and we don’t have to talk about our personal lives.” Emily rubbed her hands over her face before cleaning up the mess that was her desk.

 

“I’m down for that, let’s just drink and wallow in our thoughts.” 

 

The car ride to the bar was silent. Emily held her phone close but never once checked it or blinked when it went off. Morgan kept glancing over but never said a word. It killed him to see her battle her demons and not be able to do anything but stand by and watch. 

 

Morgan grabbed two seats at the bar. He patted on the worn out cushion beside him and swiveled the chair to try and earn even a smile from the brooding brunette. Emily shook her head but sat down anyways. Morgan waved the bartender over and waited patiently for him to make his way down.

 

“What can I get ya tonight?” 

 

“Two of the strongest whiskeys you got-“ Morgan was cut off abruptly by Emily trying to speak.

 

“Whiskey isn’t really my thing any more. I’ll just have your highest alcohol content drink you have.” Morgan raised a brow at the comment but let it slide, knowing that Emily needed space and to forget about her problems for a bit. 

 

By the time they received their drinks, Emily’s phone had gone off a handful of times. Each time her phone would buzz she would inch it a little bit further away. She swirled the green liquid around in her cup before taking a big swing when her device vibrated again. Morgan slowly reached for it and saw Emily freeze at the motion. 

 

“I know we promised not talk about life but what is goin’ on with you? You have been down in the slumps and now you are ignoring your phone as if looking at it will kill you. Listen I am here for you, always. You know I just want the best for you.” Morgan spoke softly and laid a gentle hand on Emily’s knee. 

 

“I need a couple more of these bad boys before we can even breach that topic.” Emily lifted her glass before downing the rest of it in one go. The bartender wordlessly refilled her glass and made sure to leave the bottle close by. 

 

Emily and Derek sat in silence each nursing their drinks, letting the noise of the bar surround them. Morgan tried to keep his focus mainly on the TV above the bar, it was a after game recap that he didn’t care about but watched it anyways. Emily stared directly into her glass, hoping that it would solve all of her problems in one go. 

 

After the recap had ended, Morgan could not take the sulking any longer. “I’ve let you have your drinks, now fess up.”

 

“Morgan, listen-“ Emily tried to put as much distance between them as possible. 

 

“No, no, no you don’t get to pull this BS any more. You and I both know that there is a problem going on in your life, the only difference is is I don’t know how to help. I need you to talk to me, Princess. Tell me what has your pretty little head all scrambled.” Morgan never broke eye contact. 

 

“You can’t tell anyone,” Emily pointed and then poked him in the chest, “not even Garcia.”

 

“Scout’s honor,” Morgan crossed his heart and then held up two fingers as an act of promising. 

 

“It’s JJ. It’s always JJ. She just gets in my head and ruins me. God, Morgan, have you ever just loved someone so much that it is infused in your blood. You can’t stop thinking about them, their voice, the way they walk, their actions, just everything about them. I am beyond the point of saving now, and honestly I don’t want to be. I know it is wrong, god it is so wrong, but this is not something I can just let go of. I try and try to put space and people between us, but she is all I can think about. She is my everything, yet her heart belongs to Will and I can’t change that.” Emily closes in on herself more and more, holding back tears the more she thinks about how much she messed up. 

 

Morgan shifts slightly and pulls Emily into him, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. “Hey, hey it is going to be okay. Things tend to work out pretty okay for you in the end, right? Just think of this as little bump, an obstacle, in training. You are running through what used to be an easy course, but they decided to throw something you have never faced before in. The best way to get over it, is to study it and try different ways of solving the new problem. You have three solutions to this problem. Do you know what they are?” 

 

“No,” Emily barely shakes her head again his chest, her words muffled by his shirt.

 

“One: You give up. You don’t try and accept defeat, turn away from it and walk away. Two: Try and fail. You give it your best effort but don’t succeed, but at least you know you gave it your best effort. Three: Try and success. This is the one you are best at. Giving it your entire heart and strength and overcoming the obstacle with little to no failure.” 

 

Emily pushed herself out of Morgan’s hug, “I am not going to destroy a happy relationship just to get what I want. JJ would kill me if I did that.”

 

“Would she? Listen, I haven’t seen you two that much outside of work, but enough to know that you mean the world to her. She seeks your approval like a puppy, hell she follows you around like one too! Emily, she loves you, even if neither of you realize it.” 

 

“I pushed her towards Will. I thought he would be a better match, but god I wish she would have never even-I had hoped she would turn him down. Laugh at such a wild suggestion. I was wrong, he was exactly what she wanted, what she needed.” Emily threw back the last of her drink and flipped the glass over. 

 

“If you would have never said anything, she would have never thought of looking at him. How much you wanna bet that she took your words as rejection? You have a chance, I know you do. Take it.” 

 

After a night of a little too much drinking and not enough water, Emily was left awaking to a pounding headache. The glaring sunlight had somehow drifted through the pulled curtains and directly onto Emily.  She groaned and tried to pull the blanket up over her head but ended up punching her headboard full force. “Motherfucker that hurt like a son of a bitch,” Emily whispered to herself as she cradled her soon to probably be bruised knuckles. 

 

Emily threw her blanket back, a sight shiver went down her body as the cold air rushed over her sleep-warmed body. Her back popped loudly as she sat up and stretched her arms above her head. On the beside table sat a bottle of pills, a glass of water, and her almost dead phone. Emily quickly popped four pills and chased it down with room temperature water before picking her phone up. 

 

*15 missed calls from JJ*

 

*38 text from JJ*

 

Emily grunted before falling back on the bed, bouncing slightly at the impact. She cleaned the sleep from the corner of her eyes before hoisting herself back up and plugging her phone in. She sat on the edge of her bed for a few minutes, contemplating if doing normal human things was really necessary. When the answer came back as a yes, she shuffled to her bathroom in order to take a steaming shower to clear her mind and wake her up a little more. Emily let the water roll from her hair down her back and then swirl to the drain. Her arms ached as she washed the smell of alcohol from her hair and pores, instead replacing it with the freshness of cucumber and coconut. 

 

The smell of coffee pulled her out of her trance and effectively out of the shower. The bathroom was still warm from the steam, the mirror was foggy but Emily was afraid to look at her own reflection. She tied her hair up in a messy bun and wrapped a towel around her body, still slightly too tired to actually dry off and get dressed just yet. 

 

Emily advanced towards the kitchen, the strong smell of coffee luring her further into the apartment. Without thinking, Emily went through her normal routine of filling her cup and making it to her liking. She hummed as the first sip passed through her lips, the caffeine started coursing through her veins. She knew if she drank enough fast enough she would feel like a kid on a sugar high. 

 

“Knew coffee would make you get going.” A voice behind Emily spoke, startling the brunette. Emily froze at the sound, feeling bare without her gun while standing half naked in her kitchen. “Drink your coffee Em, we need to talk.” 

 

“Jesus Christ Jay! You can’t just walk into my house and scare me shitless like that!” 

 

“You really thought you were sober enough last night to remember to preset and fill your coffee machine?” JJ was standing in the living room, arms folded across her chest, and eyebrow raised. 

 

“Listen, there was coffee. I could smell it the same way Rossi can smell a decent Italian place anywhere we go, it is an advanced skill that I have mastered. I do not question coffee, ever.” Emily took a long sip from her cup, face turning red at the mistake of taking in too much hot liquid at once. 

“At least if you ever go missing, I will know how they lured you out.” JJ chuckled, “but seriously, go get dressed. We need to talk about something and no it can’t wait.” 

 

“See, that just makes me not want to do that even more now.” Emily slumped her shoulders but headed back towards her room reluctantly. 

 

It took longer than it should have, both women knew that Emily was prolonging their conversation, she never did like confronting the blonde. As she walked back out, she was wearing the comfiest clothes she could find; an old BAU sweater, leggings that had seen much better days, with her hair still pulled into the messy bun it was thrown in after her shower. 

 

“Come, sit with me.” JJ scooted over a little and patted the cushion beside her. Emily hesitantly took the spot next to JJ, she tucked her legs underneath herself and shoved her hands between her thighs. 

 

“Em, where did you and Morgan go to last night?” 

 

“I don’t know, some dive bar that Morgan likes. Wasn’t really paying attention to the name of the place. What are you getting at Jay.” Emily shifted uncomfortably afraid of what would follow. 

 

“Morgan said my name is back to being JJ in your phone-“

 

“It has always been that.” JJ raised a brow at the comment. 

 

“You and I both know it wasn’t, I do believe that it was what Bae J or something along those lines. It was kind of cute, especially after you added those little hearts. Never knew you were such a softie Em.” A smile never left JJ’s face as she spoke. 

 

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Emily was avoiding JJ’s knowing eyes. 

 

“Emily,” JJ’s voice dropped to just above a whisper, “please forgive me. I don’t know how I can fix whatever I did, I just know that I hate this. You are my best friend Emily, I need you. God, these past few weeks have worse than not seeing you at all!” Tears were running down JJ’s face and it took all Emily had not to wipe them from her face. 

 

“I can’t do this right now JJ, this is-this is not what-can we just forget that it ever happened?” Emily tripped over her words, trying to to figure out the right words to say. “I will do better, I promise. You don’t deserve what I did, what I was doing.  Look I’ll start right now okay, “Emily jogged back to her room and grabbed her phone, “it was petty of me to change your name in the first place. Like a name in a phone could change anything, how stupid could I be?” 

 

“We can work through this, together.” A long pause weighed heavily in between them. “Emily how much do you remember of last night?” 

 

“Not much. Morgan asked if I wanted to go out for drinks, he drove, bartender gave us two or three rounds, and then I woke up to a cloudless sun. What a bitch of a wake up that was.” 

 

JJ sighed and fumbled around for her phone. She patiently waited for Emily to finish her recapping her night before opening up her voicemail. “Em, I want you to listen to something alright?” Emily nodded her head, not thinking anything incriminating would be played. 

 

“Jay, my beautiful JayeJay, you have no idea what has been swimming through my head. I just want you to know- _ hiccup _ \- that I made a mistake. It may have actually been the biggest mistake of my life. I should have said something when I had a chance, god I had so many chances and yet I never took a single one. If you only knew, god if you only knew.  _ Hiccup _

I love you Jennifer Jareau and it should have been be that night at Rossi’s with you at that alter and not him-“ 

  
  


“My phone cut it off after that, but you said enough. Emily-” It was too late though Emily was already up and heading towards the door. 

 

“I think its best if you leave. This conversation is over.” Emily’s voice was stern, shaking only slightly. 

 

JJ closed her eyes and tilted her head up towards the ceiling.  _ Why did I have to fall in love with the dumbest fucking idiot on earth?  _ JJ laughed at her own thought and shook her head. 

 

“I am being serious Jareau, I think it is best if you leave.” 

 

JJ threw her hands up in defense and walked towards the door. She stopped just short of the threshold and turned to face Emily. Her lip was pulled between her teeth, almost drawing blood but coming just shy. She stepped a little closer and placed both hands on Emily’s hips. When she wasn’t met with resistance, she ran her hands from the brunette’s waist to her shoulders. She hooked her index fingers into Emily’s sweater and pulled her down slightly. JJ ghosted her lips slightly over Emily’s and drew back. 

 

“I would have never come here to make fun of you or rub it in your face. I would never do that to you. For being a highly skilled profiler, you are horrible at reading body language and speech.” JJ whispered against Emily’s neck before gently pushing herself away and backing to the door. Emily reached out and pulled her back in. 

  
_“_ I am not a horrible profiler.” She cupped JJ’s face and placed a firm kiss on the corner of her mouth. “I am damn good at my job, thank you very much.” Another kiss was placed on the other corner. “I do believe I am one of the best in the country.” Emily’s lips finally connected with JJ’s in a slow tandem that was of too perfect to be their first. 


End file.
